Failing in Love
How’s your love life? I don’t necessarily mean the love life between husbands and wives. Though, surely that could occupy space in this piece. I mean, how are you doing at loving other people? I don’t know about you, but there is no greater nor difficult task for us as christians than to love. Love is the very heartbeat of what it means to be a Christian. Love is the essence of the Trinity (Jn. 17:24-26). It was for love that the Father sent the Son to die for our sins (Jn. 3:16). Love is at the center of the law itself (Matt. 22:33-40). According to Paul, love is the chief virtue, the virtue of virtues. The Holy Spirit says through Paul: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” I don’t know about you, but I know myself, and when I read those words I am not sure how my love life is.
I spend so much of my time like it is simply that: my time. I know I do not love God as I ought. How much real estate does God occupy in my heart and mind? If my heart looked anything like my end of the week screentime summary, then I can only surmise that I clearly love myself the most. That being the case, then I must not love my neighbor as I ought. More time for me is less time for my neighbor. My love life, it seems, is all about me.
I think you know what I mean. I have no doubt that you struggle to love God and your neighbor. I am sure Paul’s words remind you of all the times you were envious, proud, irritable, and resentful. We get caught up in today’s cultural discourse. Twitter, or whatever it’s called, tickles all the evil fanicies deep in our hearts. Yet, I want to love more. I cannot imagine a greater desire than to increase in love. I believe you want the same. And I tell you there is no greater desire we can have as the people of God than to love.
We struggle to love. But there are two things we can confess to be true. First, the ability to love as God does is a strange and alien impulse. Sin corrupts; it has twisted people’s loves. Love is not at all alien to what it means to be human. To love is to be human. But, to love as God does, i.e. as we were created to love, is made possible only by the work of the Holy Spirit. Take great assurance in that. The Holy Spirit has set you free to love more and more everyday. Second, our life cannot be about the quality nor quantity of our love. Our life is simply about the object of our love. “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 Jh. 4:10). In other words, you cannot out love God. God loves you more than you could love him and others. Praise God for His unimaginable love for us.
Friend, as you read this, know that you are loved to love. Find someone to love today. Don’t fear failure, because you will fail to love as you ought. But knowing this sets you free to love as the Lord leads you. I leave you with what Eugene Peterson wrote in his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction:
“Every day I put love on the line. There is nothing I am less good at than love. I am far better in competition than in love. I am far better at responding to my instincts and ambitions to get ahead and make my mark than I am at figuring out how to love another. I am schooled and trained in acquisitive skills, in getting my own way. And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily- open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.”